When thinking about what the right act would be to follow up on last year’s MS Bike Across Canada, I really struggled to find something that would be meaningful to me. I wasn’t going to be able to take two months off work like in 2023. I also knew that I didn’t want to take on anything that required a similarly significant amount of planning and support from the community. While the 2023 journey across the country was exhilarating, it was equally exhausting and so I looked for something I could more easily tackle on my own.
An activity that I had committed to in the past few years was running; the training was a much better fit for my schedule than cycling because I could get a great workout in, in significantly less time. I was signed up for the Hamilton Half Marathon which takes place the first Sunday in November, but I found myself remarkably uncommitted to the event. It took a nudge from a friend in mid-August to join him on his weekly long runs as part of his own marathon training regimen to finally lace up. I slowly ramped up to running over 50km per week for a month before losing interest again with four weeks to go until the event.
A month later, I ran the Hamilton half marathon in 1h43m, 1 minute slower than my first attempt the year before when I had put in dramatically more training. While I was clearly not overly committed to running, I had convinced myself that I should set another goal to keep interested. Two days later, I registered for the 30K Around the Bay (ATB) road race, which is a well known event in the running community. It would give me a reason to continue training in the darker, colder winter months; at least in theory. While contemplating new years resolutions a number of weeks later, it was hard not to take stock in the fact that I wasn’t noticeably any more committed to running. At that point I doubled down and registered for the Ottawa Marathon a few days before the calendar flipped over to 2024.
As the pressure I put on myself mounted, I started to feel unwell. My stress levels increased, my sleep quantity and quality decreased, and as you can imagine, my overall wellbeing suffered. I headed south for March break to get some rest and recreation with friends of mine who live in the San Francisco bay area. I hiked in Big Sur, kayaked in Monterey Bay, went for a run on the beach, played golf with an ocean view and enjoyed the rare opportunity to connect with my good friends who live on the other end of the continent.
On the flight home, I was cautiously optimistic that I had given myself the break I needed to break out of my funk. Alas, it was not to be. Two weeks later, I showed up in Hamilton the morning of ATB, not to participate in the event, but to pick up the complimentary jersey. I was disappointed in myself; worse, I was ashamed. “What was the point of having signed up for the Ottawa marathon?” I asked myself. How am I supposed to inspire others if I can’t even keep my own commitments. I struggled to overpower the negative thoughts with the requisite self-care.